So with everything in life there are ups and downs. I've settled into things now, got a nice little handle on what I'm doing, although I'm still working on mastering my craft.

This entertainment and media gig looks all glossy on the outside, but its damn hard work, allowing very little room for rest, because everyone else in the game is as hungry as you are, and if you stop someone just might overtake you.

I remind myself, I've got an established team with drive like a souped up lambo and I don't plan on slowing anyone's flow lol, so I push a heeled foot to the accelerator. The great thing about working with the people I'm working with is, at any given time I can log onto my computer and see the improvements, see them chipping away at different area's and that is a huge, huge motivator.

I've also realized (not that I don't know myself, but I knew this would be a challenge) that I'm fuckin' great at what I do. I think mainly because my work ethic is in my gut; real care about something makes a real difference, so you'll forever see me pushing, pulling and tweaking to ensure Mocha gets what is needed to nourish itself. It's actually a really nice feeling when things go as intended - finding that niche to get the necessary done. And its still the start - I don't think I have even reached a quarter of my potential yet.

The way I get down being 'green' in comparison to a majority of my comrades, is to not look for the shine of recognition with the aspect of work I do (so I can bury the mistakes .. sike) but moreso, for the reward of knowledge that I've created the groundwork on which the shine can be built. You won't catch AH in front of the camera or pop locking in a video - thats not my steeze - I'll freeze up and duck .. you can ask a few people. To me, just knowing that I integrated things so that everything went with a smoothness is enough right now to make me feel like 'her royal flyness' and thats what makes all the hard work worthwhile.

The lows *sad face*, are that I miss things, people that I had around me. I always knew I was family orientated, but now that they aren't immediately available I feel the void; even with my extended fam here. There's nothing like waking up and having someone who loves you knocking at the door, or calling you just to talk shit or going to hang out just on a whim.

Its simple things, like someone looking after you when your sick or jumping in your car and driving nowhere for a hour or two. It's kind of funny because I've always been super independant, but certain people become more important at different times of your life, and its nice to know I have the soft side still intact.

Either way, I don't have the time to even deal with that element anymore, late to bed, early to rise and lots of grind in between, most of the team deal with that rota, and its really only when I surface from my focus that I feel it. Generally though, I try not to dwell on it and make the most of this fantastic opportunity where I can, push down the whimsical and break it up, knowing that its only natural to want what you had, even if its far away. Gotta keep it moving - because I remember how hard I fought to make this work, and still continue too.

I will always try and thank the people who hold me up, in small ways they know they are appreciated and necessary, easing this huge change in my life. They are irreplaceable, and stop me going off on a tangent at times, and for that I adore them. My mantra is there is alot to think about but not alot to worry about, and they help do that.

At the end of the day .. It's Mocha bitches, I'm a part of the best enterprise in the world, shit I would never have learnt how to make organic fudge cake at 2 in the morning if I wasn't in this situ, it would make my momma so proud, having never been a dessert person - this is another learned skill *pumping fist*. LOL.